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Not Quite 27 Dresses: Photos from a Cham (Cambodian- Muslim) Wedding

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Michele Naideck, a family friend of Cara Weiss, CEO of SAVE The DATE, LLC has been in the Peace Corps in Cambodia for eight months (out of a two-year service) and lives with a Cham host family. She is a Community Health Education volunteer and works at her local health center and in schools to teach about child nutrition, maternal health, non-communicable diseases, and more.

In February Michele’s host uncle got married and she took these photos and shared a video (available on SAVE The DATE’s Facebook Page) with us. Michele explained that, “I wanted to document it because a Cham wedding is a big affair, taking place over several days and in several locations (including several outfit changes for the bride – in this particular wedding, she had no less than 12 extravagant dresses!). The whole community comes together to help cook, set up, and of course – celebrate. It’s quite different from the typical American wedding.”

While we agree with Michele that this is very different from the weddings we’ve helped plan, we did find some similarities (chair covers, floral wall backdrops, family-style food service, and more) and inspiration that we hope to incorporate into our events.

Thanks again for sharing this Michele, and we hope you all enjoy these photos and the video as much as we have. You can learn more about Michele’s experiences in Cambodia on her blog .

Please like or follow us on Facebook , Twitter , or Pinterest to see more about this story and others. Or if you have a story to share, email us at Parties@SAVETheDATEMD.com .


 

Four Differences between a Venue Coordinator and a Party Planner/“Day-of” Director

We get this question all the time, why do I need to hire someone to run the day-of my event when my venue has someone with a similar title. Without going into too much detail, here are the biggest differences between the two, and why it is beneficial to have a specific “Day-of” Director.

  1. Turnover
  • When you book at a venue, you are booking and contracting with the venue; therefore, there is absolutely no guarantee the person you met with will still be working at the venue by the time your event arrives. In some cases they will have left very detailed notes on your event to guide their replacement, but that is not always the case. By contrast, when you contract with a party planner be it for full-planning services, day-of only, or anything in-between your contract will include the name of the person you are working with to guarantee (barring emergencies) they will personally be there.
  • Real Life Examples:
    • One of our current clients is having their son’s Bar Mitzvah at a major hotel chain. They have personally been assigned three different venue coordinators in the past year, and are still four months away from their event. When the first person assigned left in less than two months our client said the following, “I’m glad you are on our side […] One of my concerns in going with a hotel was the constant turnover as is already happening.” As he said, he was glad that he had a private planner and day-of coordinator who would know all the ins and outs leading up to and the day-of his son’s Bar Mitzvah.
  1. Staying the Night
  • Let’s say that the Venue Coordinator you originally met with is still at your venue when your party arrives. Your contract with the venue does not state that a particular person would stay from start (the set-up and arrival of all your vendors) to finish (the breakdown of all your vendors) or even at all; it just says that staff will be there. Even if the coordinator you’re working with does plan to stay the entire evening, there may be multiple events happening at your venue at the same time, and it is more than likely your coordinator will be responsible for all of them. By contrast, when you contract with a private, independent party planner you are getting at least one (at SAVE The DATE a minimum of two) people whose entire focus during your event is just your event. They are not thinking about other events going out at the same time or throughout the weekend. Simply put, they are not stretched as thin and truly guarantee they will personally be there from start-to-finish because they are personally contracted to be yours for the entirety of your event. Another note, even if the Venue Coordinator does stay the entire evening and focus solely on your event, more than likely they will not assist with loading your car at the end of the party of all the items (decorations, gifts, favors, and more) which is extremely helpful after an evening of merriment and alcohol. This is something we, at SAVE The DATE make a point of taking care of.
  • Real Life Examples:
    • At a recent wedding the venue coordinator was at the event the entire evening, and was helpful for the vast major of the night; however, she knew that her venue had an unrelated brunch early the next day. Once the guests were out of the room, her and her entire team focused solely on flipping the space, so we were the only ones gathering the items the family was taking and making sure they were able to exit the venue in a timely manner.
  1. Managing all your vendors and guests vs. managing the venue
  • So you got lucky, your original person is still there, and there are no other events at the venue during your party, so your venue coordinator can focus solely on your event. As the coordinator of the venue, their primary role during your event is to make sure that the venue’s responsibilities run smoothly. This is not in any way a bad thing; however, it does mean that they need to focus on the venue first, not necessarily all your vendors and guests. Their job is not to check with your DJ, your photographer, and you throughout the evening to make sure everyone is on the same page. They may to offer to do this, but it’s really adding work to their plate rather than being an organic part of what they do. By contrast, a private party planner and day-of director is specifically there to be sure your vision is executed, your vendors are all aware of schedule adjustments, and that your guests are taken care of. Our directors, assistants, and associates specifically go from table to table to ask guests if they are okay and enjoying themselves. Our planners repeatedly check in with all your vendors (including the venue) to ensure everything runs smoothly. Our staff makes sure you, as the hosts, are taken care of; we get you drinks, make sure you eat, and that you and your family partake in all of your entertainment (especially your photo entertainment) to ensure you all walk away happy and regret free.
  • Real Life Examples:
    • At a recent Bar Mitzvah, a venue let go of a staff member (assigned to the party) during the set-up of the event. They did not have someone available to rush in and knew they would be short staffed. The solution? The venue coordinator had experience as a licensed bar tender and jumped in serving the drinks because her primarily responsibility is to ensure that the venue runs as smoothly as possible not to coordinate everything.
    • At a Bar Mitzvah at a country club, a child attendee was dropped off by their parents at the wrong country club and their parents had immediately gone to see a movie which made them unavailable by phone. The country club the child was dropped off at started reaching out to all the local country clubs to figure out where this teen was supposed to be. It turned out they were supposed to be at our client’s event. Because we were there, the club went to us instead of the party hosts, and because we had such a good working relationship with the other club, they agreed to have their security guard transport the teen to the correct party. The venue coordinate at the club we were at had immediately handed us the phone as she was new to the club and did not know the other club manager, but we did.
  1. Event IQ and Supplies
  • A professional, licensed party planner and day-of director (being licensed and insured is the topic of our next blog) comes prepared with the following items in addition to your personalized event details and paperwork: an event checklist to ensure everything is taken care of, an emergency bag to handle a variety physical issues that pop-up, and a wealth of knowledge and experience to pull from. Party planners often joke that they act as therapists at times. Knowing how to emotionally connect with and manage the teens at a B’nai Mitzvah, or the family dynamics at a wedding is something that can never be under appreciated. Having the resources of an event specific emergency bag and a detailed checklist really goes miles in insuring that your event runs smoothly even when the eventual glitch occurs. A Venue Coordinator may be equipped to handle these issues, but again keep in mind that it isn’t their primary responsibility and there’s no guarantee they will be on-site at the particular moment; by contrast, a planner/day-of director goes into an event knowing that miscellaneous hurdles will occur, their job is to make sure the entire party (guests, vendors, etc.) successfully and smoothly make the jump.
  • Real Life Examples:
    • Every event we work has compelling examples of how our emergency bag, our checklist, or simply put our event knowledge helps to put out any fire; however, these are a couple favorites of ours.
  1. IQ – We recently saw a bride, whose wedding we planned and directed 15 years ago, at a Mitzvah we were directing; and she stressed that she still remembered how we knew that you could remove a deodorant stain from a dress by rubbing the stain on another part of the dress. She said that it saved the day.
  2. Checklist – a client that we helped with planning, but who decided that she did not need day-of help came to us after her son’s Bar Mitzvah saying she regretted not having us there because she had not taken a single photo booth photo during the evening and she knew we would have reminded her. She is correct, this is something we have on our checklist … “be sure the family uses their photo entertainment”.
  3. Emergency Bag – We worked a wedding at a local Italian Restaurant and the bride managed to get marinara sauce on the front of her wedding gown. Among many other things, our emergency bag had shout wipes which actually did take the stain right out and allowed her to get back to her party.
  4. The Combination – At one wedding, a dress hem fell out and we had to sew the bottom of the dress with dental floss (knowing it would hold stronger than regular thread). At another wedding a groomsmen couldn’t get his kippah to stay on his head because he had a shaved head, so our roll of fashion tape to the rescue!

Think of a day-of Director as a head coach and a cruise director rolled into one. A head coach to ensure all your specialized vendors (DJ, Photographer, venue, caterer, and more) are following the same playbook i.e. your event timeline while adjusting as necessary; and a cruise director because they are there to ensure you and your guests are well taken care of, and having fun from start to finish.

To Invite or Evite

More and more people are debating whether to send a print invitation, and their reasoning differs: it will save money, it is better for the environment, it is faster, people just throw the invitations away, etc. All these reasons are valid, and sending an evite is an option for the tech savvy out there; but here is a quick vocab lesson and some tips for selling the printed invitations and navigating the process of being a dealer for an invitation company.

INVITATION VOCAB:

  • Flat Printing is a printing style nearly identical to computer printing.
  • Thermographic Printing is when the printed text is raised so it can be felt on the front of the invitation.
  • Embossed Printing is similar to Thermographic Printing, but done without ink.
  • Letter Press Printing is when the printed text is depressed so it can be felt on the back of the invitation.
  • Engraved Printing is similar to Letter Press, but done without ink.
  • Hand Calligraphy is written by hand rather than printed.

TIPS FOR AN INVITATION DEALER:

  • It is important to keep an eye out for the monthly discounts many invitation companies email to you to – they often do not automatically credit them
  • Consider providing clients with “online dealer stores”, or at least the products website so your client is able to view the invitation they are considering in the comfort of their own home. It makes the shopping process faster and smoother for both dealer and consumer
  • Always be sure to get a formal quote from the company prior to providing the client with one; older books may still have current merchandise, but the pricing may have changed
  • Make sure to have the client approve all proofs and acknowledge typos, grammar mistakes, spelling errors, and more that are visible on the proofs, are their mistake and not yours – this will protect you from blame
  • Keep your eyes and ears open with regards to companies closing; some do so without a word to their dealers

If a client asks why a printed invitation is necessary, use this as your response; “So much of our lives are centered around the computer, smart phone, tablet, or another electronic device; which makes receiving an item in the mail is so special. There is something magical about feeling an invitation; it is a sensory experience that cannot be matched by an evite. It sets the mood for your party in a way that cannot be matched by the screen and it elicits excitement in your guests.”

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New Things Happening in the Wedding World – as of 2014

In January of 2014, we at SAVE The DATE wrote a piece that was to be published in a local gazette. Sadly, as is the case with many forms of printed media and newspapers, the gazette closed. While we wish this piece could have been published for it’s original purposes, it’s simply too good to not share. Enjoy …

As of January 2014 same sex marriage is legal in seventeen states, including Maryland; as well as the District of Columbia. For event planners, vendors, and venues; the updated definition of marriage offers a new market to assist with making a memorable moment in their lives as couple. For us [SAVE THE DATE] it provided an opportunity to combine several new elements in the event world to help a couple say I Do!

Our final event of 2013, a wedding on December 29, allowed us to celebrate these new laws in a recently converted staple Bethesda restaurant, with do it yourself decor.  The two brides possessed creative ideas, and were able to show, with some organizing assistance, their commitment to each other in front of friends and family. The couple was a model example of do it yourself (DIY) Brides, an increasingly popular trend thanks in part to Pinterest. They found their own centerpieces, made their own programs, and created a warm and beautiful room for both their ceremony and reception. They accomplished all this while keeping their budget in check. For them, being involved in every element of the wedding process made for a more meaningful wedding. Many find comparable rewards in DIY décor.

Wedding decor doesn’t have to burn your budget as long as you have time and a truck. With stores like AC More, Michaels, Home Goods, Marshall’s, Ross, and dozens of online sources, it’s easy to do it yourself. You can simply pick your colors and/or theme, determine your perimeters, and then begin creating that special look to make your day unforgettable. DIY décor offers couples the opportunity to get creative and personalize their day by literally pouring their efforts into the creation of their event. While our brides were able to be DIY we found that they still really benefitted from a couple planning meetings and day-of assistance.

In the event planning industry, there are two real components: the planning leading up to the event, and the coordination of the plan on the actual day of the event. For brides who want to have a lot of control over the planning, the DIY bride, day-of assistance can really be beneficial. Day-of Assistance, or Day-of Coordination is having an event planner on site to make sure all of your specific desires are met. Some view this as an unnecessary added expense; however, it reduces the stress the bride feels because she knows there is a professional there to help her. For DIY brides it is arguably more important because they have eliminated the decorator so they need a professional to set up their décor. Even the best laid plans can fail if the execution is subpar. Our final event of 2013 is a great example of DIY working hand-in-hand with day-of-assistance.

Our couple came to us in the spring of 2013 asking for suggestions for venues, vendors, and expert advice. They also came with a Pinterest page of carefully collected images they wanted to use as inspiration. They were very organized, so we agreed that four meetings (including a site visit) spread evenly throughout the year along with day-of-assistance would provide more than enough support for them to have their dream wedding. They kept up with their planning in-between meetings and everything went smoothly. With that said, they really appreciated the day-of-help because it meant that their wedding vision could be executed without a family member or friend having to set up the space. Knowing that they could walk into the room and it would look exactly the way they envisioned it was comforting. Day-of-Assistance with one or two meetings as opposed to full package planning is a rising trend, and event planners must being willing to alter their packages, paperwork, and mindset in order to change with the times.

This wedding was a new experience for our company. We were unsure of the couple’s personal preferences on how they wanted to be referred to. We needed to adjust some of our paperwork; changing the words bride and groom and husband and wife to spouse and spouse or partner and spouse, or bride and bride to ensure we were accurately representing the couple. These types of changes put us more in sync with today’s current wedding world.

The Important thing we learned was same sex marriages really are not very different from heterosexual weddings.  Same ceremony. Same schedule. Same event. Same Love. Just, in this particular case, no man directly involved in the planning or the wedding. Marriages are ultimately about two people joining together to form a unit built on love, trust, and understanding. Weddings are for showcasing a couple’s dedication to each other while celebrating and having fun. The participants may be slightly different, but the motivations and desires are ultimately the same.

As previously said, there are seventeen states, plus the District of Columbia, that have legalized same sex marriage; however, there are also thirty-three states that currently have same sex marriage bans through either state law or state constitution. Couples are currently suing their states, including Virginia, to obtain the right to join in marriage; hearing about these lawsuits makes us proud to live in one of three states that legalized same sex marriage through popular vote, but also reinforces our understanding that change takes time. We are happy to help effect the change we want to see by assisting all who are planning their wedding. We were honored and humbled to be hired by our clients who trusted our experience and knowledge of events, despite knowing there might be a learning curve in terms our understanding of same sex marriage. We [SAVE THE DATE] hope to reach out to, and assist all couples, regardless of sexual identity, in the planning of their events. We want to treat each couple and event as individual while understanding they really are all the same.

Since the original writing of this article, the Supreme Court ruled that it is unconstitutional to ban same-sex marriage, so the conversation about which states have legalized same-sex marriage is less relevant than at the time of writing the original piece. Hope you enjoyed